Why do I need a Sex Coach for Self-Pleasure?

A cropped image of a white woman from the upper thighs to just below the breasts she is wearing a grey top and red lace panties. She has a hand tucked inside the front of the panties.

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Orgasm is defined by the Merriam Webster online dictionary as “intense paroxysmal excitement and especially the rapid pleasurable release of neuromuscular tensions at the height of sexual arousal that is usually accompanied by the ejaculation of semen in the male and by vaginal contractions in the female.”

No wonder people don’t understand what an orgasm is when the dictionary is throwing out words like “paroxysmal” in their definition, which simply means “sudden and uncontrolled”.

However, the tantric and taosit perceptions about what an orgasm is may differ. For people who have experienced “valley orgasms” or full body orgasms may involve no ejaculation and include a lot more focus on relaxation in the moment (rather than tension towards a goal).

Either way, biologically orgasm is a reflex – and often a very pleasurable one.

This means that most people can experience an orgasm much like most people can experience a sneeze.

So, why is it so challenging for so many women to experience?

You may have heard the term “Pleasure is the Measure” from Emily Nagoski. It provides permission for many people to erotically explore with pleasure at the forefront (rather than the frequency. For example, experiencing greater pleasure with yourself or your partner today trumps how many times you had sex with your partner today.

When we place attention on pleasure rather than the goal of orgasm our attention is available for more pleasure.

However, there is something to be said for experiencing orgasm.

Female orgasms flood the brain with feel-good endorphins that support feelings of bliss and bonding. They also:

  • Support the immune system
  • Relieve stress and anxiety
  • Increase positive mood
  • Decrease of collagen breakdown
  • Increase of progestogen
  • Skin that is clear
  • Regulate sleep
  • Regulate menstrual cycles
  • Strengthen pelvic floor
  • Support cardiovascular health

When it comes down to it, it can feel frustrating and sometimes hopeless to discover the elusive “female orgasm”. There’s a disconnect somewhere, but you can’t put your finger on it.

It is not so much about being elusive as it is about exploring your unique way to engage with self-pleasure. There is no one stroke that fits all.

Given it takes approximately 15-20mins for the female genitals to fully engorge. There are specific ways that can support such as using breath, sound, and movement to support the build-up of sensation.

Sexological Bodywork with Alex Foxx can support your journey with pleasure and safety. It helps you harness your power while bringing you immense pleasure. You can release constrictive belief systems that do not serve you and start exploring the erotic life you deserve.

Self-pleasure is a delicious way to get to know yourself more, and to educate yourself on what turns you on and off.

Some key questions to ask:

Which parts of your body house the most powerful erogenous zones?

Which parts thrill you when touched?

Which parts turn you off?

It may be an opportunity to indulge in fantasy, to imagine forbidden acts, sometimes impossible acts, or to try new adventures, allowing them to play out in your mind as you pleasure yourself.

Self-pleasure is not only about solitary sexual experiences. It is also about ensuring that you don’t fall into the common trap of putting the needs of your partner above your own.

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